You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
