Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
