Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
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and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize