Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize