She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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