I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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