i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
