We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
