Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i now understand why vodka
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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