Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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