He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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