I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Duck Duck Cougar?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
