My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.