Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew