I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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