True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
