eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
