This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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