I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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