I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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