Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
