i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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