I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
