3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
