it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He did a backflip because drugs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
