i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
