i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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