do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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