I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
