We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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