don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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