cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
