apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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