Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
