Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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