Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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