tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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