I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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