Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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