I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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