he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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