who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
