Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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