I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
