so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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