he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
