bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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