just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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