The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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