I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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