Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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