my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
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She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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