I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
