Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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