I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
