Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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