you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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