The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
