if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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