I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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