I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
