I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
