Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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