Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
