He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
