The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize