Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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