Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we're making bets on your personal life
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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