We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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