I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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