Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
