I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
