would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
