You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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