he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Never underestimate the power of titties
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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