I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
