How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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