If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
