Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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