I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
